Really Funny Jokes
Cat In Heaven
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat.
The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"
Blonde Demands First Class
A very attractive blonde lady boards a plane bound for America and immediately sits down in the business class area. The stewardess walks up to her and asks he if she can check her ticket. The blonde shows her the ticket, which is clearly marked economy class. The stewardess informs the lady that she must move to which the blonde replies, "I am blonde and beautiful so I can sit anywhere!"
The stewardess informs the senior steward of the situation who then goes to speak to the blonde yet still the blonde replies, "I am blonde and beautiful so I can sit anywhere."
The steward does not know what to do so goes to inform the captain,
the co-pilot listening to the situation says, "let me deal with it sir my girlfriend is blonde." So off he goes. Everyone watches as the co-pilot walks up to the lady and whispers something in her ear. She then gets up and walks to the back of the plane and takes her seat in economy class.
The captain amazed at how easily the co-pilot has resolved the situation asks the co-pilot what he said. The co-pilot replies, "It was quite easy really. I just told her the front half of the plane doesn’t go to