In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE
MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP
UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING,
ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE
BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED
AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED
PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR
APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE
BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS
INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would
be how?)
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN
UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are
you sure? Let's experiment.)
15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are
they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE
ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm
curious.)
