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Nude Beach Joke A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman?s vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital. After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps.
He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp. The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn?t rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."
Under the circumstances, the husband and wife both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor?s thrusts continued for several long minutes. "Hey, what the hell is happening?"
"Change of plans?" The physician panted. "I?m going to drown the little bastard!"
Dirty Fork A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary dines here..."
Complaint The supervisor of a local firm is startled when his secretary burst into his office and demands to file a complaint of sexual harassment against a man who works in the same department.
"What on earth did he do?" asks the boss.
"It's not what he did, it's what he said!" the secretary shrieks.
"He said that my hair smelt nice!"
"And what's so wrong with him telling you that?" asks the boss.
"He's a midget" huffs the woman.
W.I.F.E A few people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."
Another guy says, "What's that?"
Larry replies, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy."
Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, "What's that?"
He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids."
A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE."
Larry says, "A wife? What's a wife?"
She says, "That means, 'Wash, Iron, F*ck, Etc."
The ant and the elephant One day, while an elephant was walking through the woods, she got a thorn stuck in her foot. She saw an ant passing and asked him to help her get the thorn out.
The ant asked, "What do I get in return?" The elephant replied, "If you get it out, I'll have sex with you."
So the ant gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out he looks up at the elephant and says "OK it's out, are you ready?".
The elephant thinks, "Hey, what's a little ant gonna do anyways?" The ant climbs up and starts to work away. Just then a monkey overhead drops a coconut on the elephant's head.
"Ouch" screams the elephant, and the ant responds, "Yeah take it all bitch."