Funny Jokes

Religious Joke

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 06:49:32 GMT

How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

School Joke

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:48:12 GMT

Why'd the boy eat his homework?

His teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

A man is driving along in the Irish countryside...

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 15:03:38 GMT

A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he's in need of petrol, the man decides to stop.

He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?".

The man says "Sorry - we're right out of petrol."

So the man considers, and says "Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?"

And the attendant responds "Sorry, but no oil either."

The man thinks, and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can't do that.

The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant, "Just what kind of petrol station is this ?"

The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man "To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front."

The man then says "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tires!"

Funny Jokes

SMS Jokes

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 14:51:38 GMT

SMS Jokes

Yo mamma's so old.

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 04:55:55 GMT

Yo mama's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.

Cop Dad and The Threat

Fri, 29 May 2009 11:40:43 GMT

Maurice and his wife were sitting on the couch watching television, when she noticed he was crying quietly. “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispered.

Maurice said, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and your cop father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember,” said his wife.

Maurice continued, “Do you remember when he shoved his gun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?’”

“I remember that, too,” she replied softly. “But why are you so upset about that now?”

He wiped a tear from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today!”

Exercise Joke

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 19:23:59 GMT

Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost 5 pounds.” When Mr. Smith returned, he had lost nearly 20 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?” Mr. Smith nodded. “I’ll tell you ‘though, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of that 3rd day.” “From hunger, you mean?” “No, from skipping!

(note for those from New Foundland: “skip” has two meanings 1) jump 2) stop doing something).

Court Comedy

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 13:50:53 GMT

QUESTION: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

ANSWER: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Are Zebras White Or Black?

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 06:02:04 GMT

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him."

So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are."

The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, you are what you are."

The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

funny jokes

Vampire Bats and The Tree

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 12:24:42 GMT

Two vampire bats, Boris and Fred, wake after a days sleep, really hungry. They both fly off into the night to search for food.

Fred searches everywhere for food and cannot find a thing, not even a mouse.....after a couple of hours he is really, really hungry.

He bumps into Boris whose mouth is dripping with blood. "It is so unfair", said Fred "I want to know how to do that!!!"...

So Boris says, "come on the I will show you!!”

They both fly off over a graveyard, then a field and then they were soon flying over a forest.

Boris says "See that huge tree down there in the middle of the forest?"

"Yes" says Fred...

"Well I didn't!!!!!!!" says Boris...

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