Jokes and Famous Quotes.

Joke Time

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 15:17:16 GMT

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird.

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How can you tell a good computer programmer from a bad one?

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 09:47:34 GMT

How can you tell a good computer programmer from a bad one?

The good one always comes through when the chips are down.

Joke Question

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 18:40:23 GMT

What would life be like if there were no hypothetical questions?

Joke Of The Day

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:29:33 GMT

A man was visiting his alma mater. He paused to admire the newly contructed Shakespeare Hall.

"It's marvelous to see a building named for William Shakespeare," he commented to the tour guide.

"Actually," said the guide, "it is named for Stephen Shakespeare. No relation."

"Oh, was Stephen Shakespeare a writer, also?" the visitor asked.

"Well, yes," said the guide, "He wrote the check!"

Joke Of Day

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:18:47 GMT

Tracy hadn't talked to her grandparents for a while and decided she should call and update them.

"I had a terrible time!" she told them. "First off I got tonsillities, followed by appendicitis and pneumonia. After that, I got rheumatism, and to top it off they gave me hypodermics and inoculations. I thought I would never get through that spelling bee!"

Joke: An elderly man goes into confession...

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:57:40 GMT

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish." "So then, why are you telling me?"

"Because I'm telling everybody!"

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Fun Things to Do in the Elevator

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 08:24:23 GMT

Fun Things to Do in the Elevator

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open up by themselves.

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!"

Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"

Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of them!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Say "Ding!" at each floor.

I am reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity.

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 12:12:56 GMT

I am reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity.

I can't put i down.

Joke Dealing With A Child and Grandma

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 18:16:41 GMT

On the first night of his grandmother's visit, a small boy was saying his prayers.

"Please Lord," he shouted, "send me a bicycle, a tool chest, a..."

"Why are you praying so loud?" his older brother scolded. "God isn't deaf."

"I know God isn't deaf," replied the boy. "But Grandma is."

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Palm Sunday Branches

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 11:56:26 GMT

It was Palm Sunday and Mary's on stayed home from church with his fatehr, because he was sick.

When his siblings returned home carrying palm branches, the little boy asked what the branchers were for.

His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by."

I can't believe it," the boy said. "The very day I miss church, Jesus shows up."

A young soldier was on guard duty one night.

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 15:48:57 GMT

A young soldier was on guard duty one night. He did his best to stay awake, but he soon drifted off. He suddenly woke up and found his superior standing next to him.

Knowing the penalty for falling asleep while on duty, the soldier lowered his head once more and said, "A-a-a-men".

What training do you need to be a garbage collector?

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 07:04:00 GMT

What training do you need to be a garbage collector?

None. You pick it up as you go along.

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What Did The Astronaut Think Of The Takeoff?

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 06:10:49 GMT

What Did The Astronaut Think Of The Takeoff?

He thought it was a blast.

Have a Toy Game Hobby Night at Your House!

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 17:58:54 GMT

Have a Toy Game Hobby Night at Your House! Build family communication and togetherness by having a weekly toy game hobby night. It is so easy these days to let work, school, and the business of life rule the day, that we can easily lose touch with each other. If we get together one night each week for a toy game hobby night, we can rekindle those family ties. Those families with small children will probably focus more on the toy aspect of the toy game hobby night. Take the time to get down on the floor and play with those youngsters. Cuddle those dollies and call yourself "grandma" or "grandpa." Push those trucks around and pretend right along with the kids. If your back can take it, let them take turns riding you like a horse while you crawl around and neigh. Every kid loves that! On summer evenings, try toy game hobby night in the sand box at the park. Using an old mesh produce bag, collect a variety of suitable sand toys to take along. These toys include various containers, a few wheeled vehicles, toy garden tools, and cast-off kitchen utensils. In the sandbox with your kids, you can create towns with roads, castles, or just about anything. Modeling dough is also a great activity for toy game hobby night. Collect some small cookie cutters and old jar lids (for pans) and create fancy cookies and desserts - inedible and calorie-free, of course! The kids can turn a large box on it's side for a counter and place the goodies on display to sell. Of course, you'll pretend to buy, eat, and enjoy! Some fun games for family night include card games like Uno, board games like Candy Land or Life, and dominoes. When choosing games to play there are several things to consider. Is Scrabble, for instance, fun for everyone, or does all the spelling and thinking feel like work to some of the players? Does the game take forever to play, so that some players' attention spans play out? Does the game encourage merciless competition, like Monopoly, leaving losers feeling left out? It's important for kids to learn how to lose and still have fun. Don't "throw" the game, intentionally letting them win all the time, but don't mercilessly beat them every time either. Make it fun. If losing is a problem for some of the kids, check out some of the new cooperative games where everyone is on the same team. Hobbies are also great to share as a family. Maybe your family would be interested in pursuing musical skills together. Families make great singing groups because their voices match well. If that's not for you, maybe you'd all enjoy fishing. Square dancing is fun for some families, while others enjoy playing badminton or other active games and sports. The important thing is to have fun together. Having a toy game hobby night every week will help you stay close to your kids as they grow up. It will keep the bond of love fresh and the lines of communication open. Plan a toy game hobby night this week! Jokes http://JokesAndSayings.net

Facts About XMODS RC Cars

Mon, 26 May 2008 16:40:53 GMT

Facts About XMODS RC Cars

There are generally two types of RC cars: toy-grade and hobby grade.

Toy grade RC cars are made to be played with until they expire. This is because there are no parts available to repair them or do anything to extend their useful life.

Hobby grade RC cars, on the other hand, can be repaired using kits brought in different hobby shops. It is commonly the case that people would experiment with the kits and create their own customized RC car. However, this can take a lot of effort to pull off. People who are virtual newbies in the world of RC cars may have to settle for kits with not-so-original features. This perception of customization, however, has been changed with the introduction of XMODS RC cars.

What are XMODS RC cars? Well, they are often advertised as giving the most authentic tuner experience to RC fans. This is because XMODS RC cars are fully customizable. The problem with other hobby RC car kits is the fact that the choices of parts are limited. This is because most RC car companies wish to monopolize customers. By making sure that no other parts fit with their RC cars, they can be sure to maintain a client base.

The problem with this technique is that it leaves enthusiasts with virtually no freedom to make a car that's unique. The limited choices in parts means that duplication is not only possible, it's inevitable.

There is also the question of quality. People know that different companies have different specialties. This is the reason why sticking with one company in terms of RC car parts is not really advisable for an enthusiast. In order to build the perfect RC car, an enthusiast should be able to combine different parts according to his or her preference. Sticking with parts that come from one company would mean sticking with only one quality. This means that you would end up with a car that may be good in terms of one factor, but bad in others.

One of the main advantages of XMODS RC cars is the fact that many companies are involved in making parts for it. This means that a person availing of a kit is faced with limitless possibilities of tuning and customization. Because of this, a person can create the RC car that's best according to him or her.

Another advantage with XMODS RC cars is their look. XMODS RC cars come in the form of the choicest cars available today. Now while this may be offered by other types of RC companies, XMODS RC cars are actually designed by the makers of the cars themselves. This means that you get exquisite craftsmanship every time you buy an XMODS RC car kit.

If you think that XMODS RC cars are all about the looks, you would be very mistaken. XMODS RC cars are made to race. After all, people do not engage in the RC car hobby just to tinker around, do they? When all the work is done, you get the opportunity to enjoy it by racing your XMODS RC car using a home made track or you could choose to enter your car in tournaments sponsored by radioshack. Whatever your choice, you are sure to enjoy the enhanced RC experience brought to you by XMODS RC cars.

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The Truth About Male Menopause and Conquering It

Thu, 22 May 2008 06:25:18 GMT

The Truth About Male Menopause and Conquering It

When a man enters the age of forty, he begins to experience the awkward feeling of confusion, split personality and stressfulness. He tends to lose his sense of purpose as well as his former self. He is craving for the new order of things, more ventures and is spinning out of control.

In the quest to understand this crisis, series of studies are undertaken. Even the medical science allots time to formulate possible formulas to find the remedy on its symptoms. There are creams, pellets, pills and even surgeries that are deemed to resolve the crisis.

But what is really in the core of this predicament? Dr. Robert S. Tan constructed his book of Andropause mystery: unraveling the truths about male menopause in the pursuit to explain the circumstances and why they happen to a man.

According to Dr. Robert Tan, menopause or the declination of hormonal levels comes to pass to both men and women. For men, such transition period is called andropause. The period usually strikes at forty when age normally causes internal troubles to almost everyone. Subsequently, internal changes had exterior manifestations in terms of social, career and family interactions.

Furthermore, Dr. Robert Tan added that as the man reaches the age of 50-70, the symptoms become more visible and provoked. Symptoms such as declination of levels of virility and energy accompanied by easily being exhausted, rapid mood sways and palpitations appear. Most men report their erectile dysfunction as the most notable event during andropause. Apart from this, Dr. Tan’s patients also complained of their being nervous, irritable and depressed.

Palpitations are due to the decrease of the testosterone level caused by over reaction of the autonomic system. It must be noted that it is natural for men who are suffering from andropause.

Formerly active men who used to be directed to their careers and power enhancement suddenly become close to family and their friends. However, there are some who preferred to find a new set up on their lifestyle which will turn them from the confusion and depression of andropause period.

The medical science has prepared remedies to relieve these symptoms. The problem is that most men do not submit to seeing a doctor even for health reasons. The reason is that it hits their masculine pride to be thought of as either vulnerable or dependent. This becomes a challenge to most wives.

One way to convince men to see the doctor is by accompanying him to a trained and understanding expert. By going together, the doctor can fully extract the needed information from the couple. However, there will also be times when the interview would be held independently to do away with the inhibitions.

As part of the clinical study, the following things are being checked as andropause basis: hair loss, shrinkage of testicles, decrease of libido and sex drive, erectile dysfunction, exhaustion, depression, decrease of muscle strength, oligospermia, and decrease in bone density.

Since the andropause stage could be very stressful among men, it is advisable that wives should become more understanding and supportive. Andropausal men should be encouraged to organize himself, to manage his alcohol and cigarette consumption, to relax, to eat healthy foods and to exercise.

Andropause is another profound journey which needs the positive involvement of the family. Not only men shall beat the odds, but everyone who loves him.

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Making A Pact To Improve Your Personal Life

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 19:12:35 GMT

Making A Pact To Improve Your Personal Life

Do you have the ability to accept the things you can change and the things you cannot change? Do you have the ability to accept that other people are opt to change them, rather than you changing them? Do you accept that you are who you are, regardless of what others think? Can you accept the many changes that take place in your life?

If you answered yes to one or all of these questions then you are off to the start of improving your personal life. If you are willing to accept, you have the ability to laugh, even when something is not funny. For instance, if someone pushed you, you could stand back and laugh. The push is only a threat to your emotion, which you will see, accept and find a way to gain control of the situation.

When you can accept things in life, including you and others you find a way to take control. When you are in control, it helps you to see how you can improve your personal life. When you learn to accept you will learn to discover you.

Individuality is personal, which philosophers over generalize this subject. Many people in the world believe that when we act the same way at all times, we have established our identity. Politically incorrect!

We have emotions, thoughts, behaviors, actions, and have been plagued by a world of influences both good and bad. Each day we will feel something new, which causes our personality to reflect on these changes. Therefore, when you see someone laughing one minute and crying the next, you are seeing a shift in emotions, which is a normal pattern of identity for this person. Unless the persons eyes change, behaviors change dramatically, friends change regularly, etc, and you are seeing common behaviors.

We live in a world that desensitizes us. We are surrounding by billions of influences on television, in the media, on radio, in house-holds, government, schools and so forth. Each to their own, but everyone is judging someone at some time, which is something we have to accept. We cannot change these peoples behaviors and way of thinking, but we can change ours. This is a part of learning and accepting. The best way around the world is become your own influence and allow other influences to make someone else’s life miserable. Only rely on sources that prove truthful with their actions, behaviors and words. Positive reflections are the key to living happier.

Once you learn to accept you will be eager to laugh. For instance, if someone makes you mad you will see the humor in his or her actions. You may see the humor in your actions if you make a mistake and feed into their stupidity.

Once you start to see the humor in life, you will feel better inside. We are involved in a unruly world filled with greedy people, envious souls, lusty tigers, and so on. We have to learn how to work around these people, accept us and move on. Once you learn to change to better you, other people may follow. Good conduct has proven far more effective than words to encourage others to change.

As you grow you will feel a new hunger, and that hunger will guide you to discover new ways to better you. In time as you start to feel better, you will see a need to exercise, eat right, and hang out with positive influences and so on. Once you feel this hunger, you will feel inspired to labor to achieve your goals.

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Recipes

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:44:06 GMT

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Jokes and Famous Quotes.

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 09:18:52 GMT

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