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Short Funny Jokes

Clean Funny Jokes Of The Day

Victor Varnado: Bathroom Adventure
I actually recently had this bathroom adventure. I went to this urinal to, you know, urinalate, and this guy comes to the urinal, like, right next to me. You girls probably don't know this, but if a guy comes to the urinal right next to you, and there's, like, plenty of other urinals to go to, you always glance over to make sure he's not looking at your stuff, right? 'Cause it's yours. But the weird thing was that he glanced over and I glanced over at the same time, so we met eyes. I know -- that was weird. So, I kissed him.

Whitney Cummings: Silent Treatment
Ladies, next time your man pisses you off, do not give him the silent treatment. Instead, go Google the most important game of the season, sit next to him during that game and just ask as many f**king questions as possible. 'I don't understand, who's that guy in the striped shirt? Does he work at Foot Locker? I don't understand, why are they all wearing the same outfit? When are we going to have a baby?' Eventually he will shoot himself in the face, and you f**king win that argument.

Louis C.K.: Working in Fast Food
The guy came up to me, my manager, the first day and said, 'I want you to go to all the tables, scrape the gum off with a butter knife.' And I was thinking, 'I'm not doing that. I'm definitely not doing it.' But I thought, why just say, 'No! The hell with you!' and get fired? That's boring. Instead I said to him, 'Yeah, OK. I'll do it.' Then, I didn't do it, and he came up to me later: 'Did you scrape the gum off the tables?' I was like, 'Oh, yeah, of course I did, sure.' And later, he comes up, he goes, 'You didn't scrape the gum off the tables?' I'm like, 'Ah! No. Damn.' 'Are you gonna do it?' 'Yeah, of course I'm gonna do it.' Three days later, I got fired. I got paid for three days.

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